Couples & Family Counseling

Every couple and family struggles from time to time. Some couples or parents would say things are “Okay. Mostly.” and yet they may feel more disconnected than they’d like or have a general sense that something is “off” but not be sure what to do about it. Others might be experiencing conflict, betrayal, a traumatic incident, addiction, or behavior that is beyond what they can manage.

Seeking help in your most important relationships can feel daunting. 
And it’s one of the most courageous choices you can make.

COUPLES COUNSELING

Couples counseling supports love that lasts. Premarital counseling, strengthening communication and conflict management skills, recovering after betrayal or loss, and deepening connection and intimacy.

Couples Counseling Training & Approach

The Gottman Method of couples therapy provides the underlying foundation of my work with couples. I supplement their evidence-based approach with insights from other respected and well-established relationship counseling frameworks.

  • These include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT),

  • the work of Terry Real and the Relational Life Institute,

  • as well as Esther Perel.

For some couples, I recommend a type of counseling specially designed for couples on the brink of separation or divorce who are not sure that traditional couples counseling will help. This alternative option is called Discernment Counseling. It is a brief, structured process designed to help each partner gain clarity and confidence in their decision-making about the future of their relationship.

Introductions and links for each therapeutic model are listed at the bottom of this page for those interested in learning more.

This extensive training and experience allows me to customize my work with couples based on what each couple needs.

Some of the factors that influence her recommendations for a particular couple include the nature of their goals, the degree of conflict they’re currently experiencing, as well as whether or not their relationship is impacted by infidelity, trauma, addiction, or challenges with their sexual intimacy. Insights and resources from experts in each of these areas may be woven into our work, or provided as supplemental recommendations outside of our sessions.

More about how I make and share recommendations with client couples is below.

What does couples work with Kande look like?

Regardless of the tools being used, my style is mostly

  • Dyadic, meaning that I'm introducing new ways of interaction and then coaching and encouraging the partners to practice these new tools directly with one another.

  • Interactive. While my hope is to improve the couple’s ability to communicate effectively with each other,

  • I actively intervene as needed. My role is to maintain guidelines for safety, promote collaboration, and coach each partner toward success. Effectively, this means couples won’t simply be “fighting in front of an audience” or consistently repeating the negative patterns they do on their own.

  • Empowering - along the way, I’ll “pull back the curtain” so to speak, to offer insights about why the methods we’re using work & to ensure the couple is clear about what to expect next.

  • Trauma-Informed and Healing Centered. Extensive training and personal experiences of trauma heighten my awareness of its impact on our wellbeing and relationships. Compassionate care that honors each person’s experience with toxic stress and trauma guides my therapeutic approach, and the pace at which we work. My focus of attention, however, is not rooted in the past. Rather, we attune to the very present needs of the relationship, which guide our next steps in repairing, healing, and growing past experiences.

two people walking on a sand hill with hiking gear

What will therapy look like? How long might it take?

When exploring options for therapy, couples are considering making an investment of time, energy, and money. And they’re hoping the pay-off is worth it.

While the ‘pay-off’ may be unique to each couple, most often, it boils down to these key things: is our relationship worth saving, and can we build a truly satisfying, intimate connection with one another? Additionally, because couples tend to seek therapy after they’ve been trying to address things on their own for a while, they’re eager to hear expert recommendations as soon as possible. I get it.

couple walking through a tall grassy field

Whatever next steps are recommended at the end of your initial appointment, options will be clearly outlined and you’ll be provided with the potential costs and benefits of each. My goal is to be as clear, direct, and empowering as possible so you can make an informed choice that is right for you. A disclosure statement for those interested in the full Gottman Method Assessment & Therapy process is available upon request.

My commitment is that I’ll give you an honest assessment about your relationship and what kind of investment will likely be needed to achieve your goals.

How do I make this assessment? The process starts with these key things for every couple:

  • This is to be filled out by each partner separately, prior to our first session. Your responses come directly to me through my secure client portal, and are not shared with your partner. The purpose with these is for you to have the opportunity to share your authentic perspective about your relationship satisfaction and concerns, which sets us up to make the most of your first session.

  • When we begin working together, our first session will be an extended one (almost 2 hours). This provides ample time to get a more thorough understanding of your relationship’s background, as well as the intensity and nature of the issues bringing you to therapy.

  • At the end of your first session, I will recommend next steps and we will all leave with clarity about the next steps you choose. Next step recommendations most often include some version of the following:

    • More detailed assessments based on the nature or intensity of concerns identified. This could be the Gottman Relationship Checkup (online), issue-specific questionnaires, or individual interviews conducted separately with each partner.

    • Jumping right into skills and strategies to address issues within the relationship (communication, conflict management, etc.)

    • An alternative therapy option that may better serve your particular dynamics.

FAMILY COUNSELING

Identity, home, roles, love, trauma and drama - few things impact us more than family. Whether yours was formed biologically through marriage or divorce, fostering, kinship, adoption, choice or circumstance, we want you to thrive!

List of resources shared above related to couples counseling: